I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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