this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
