Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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