i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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