i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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