I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
