sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
