look no pants
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
