I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
