Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
