I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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