Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
