Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
