She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
My dick has a subreddit
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
