he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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