i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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