omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
