I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
