obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
