i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
