All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
