grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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