i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
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