We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I can't turn off my feet"
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
