The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize