I didn't shave. On purpose
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
