so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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