theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
