Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
false alarm. still invincible.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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