I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
She made me pour olive oil on her.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize