How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
