I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
