im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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