ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
