already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
