And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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