wanna go halves on a baby?
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Randomize
