The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
