I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
