No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
