Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
This is my gift to your gina
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
