peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Randomize
