he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Randomize
