Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
