I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
