No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
