For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
