Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
