How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
