All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Randomize
