I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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