Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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