Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize