i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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