I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
