i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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