Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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