I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
