Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
