Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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