My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
third nipple confirmed
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize