I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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