Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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