Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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