I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
