we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
