So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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