I love black thongs
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
