Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I'm bleeding and have questions
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize