you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
