I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
